The risks I'd take
by thelookonyourface
Summary: Adam meets the new girl: Becky Baker. They immediately have feelings for each other. But how will Adam tell that he's trans? How will Becky react? And what about Becky's boyfriend?
1. New girl in town

_**So I don't have much inspiration for Imogen and Fiona in crush on you, so I decided to write another story in the mean time. I really like Becky and Adam together, so I started to write a fanfiction story for them. Let me now what you think! Also, if you have inspiration for crush on you: let me know ( then I will put your name in the doc, so that everyone knows it's your idea, of course ) when I feel inspiration again, I will write again to that story, but for now, let's just enjoy Becky and Adam! Love those two 3 **_

" Are you the new girl?" a sweet voice asked. Becky looked up from her book and stared into the eyes of a boy… was it a boy? She nodded. " I am. I am Becky and you are… ?

" I'm Adam. They asked me to introduce you to all the secrets of degrassi. You know, the dark secrets." Becky looked surprised at him. Was this guy, who she now knew was a guy, really serious? Adam saw her worried face. " I'm just kidding" he said. " I'm just here to show you around." " Oh" Becky sighed. She should have known he was kidding. What the hell was wrong with her?

Adam walked away, then turned around. " So, are you coming or what?" Becky was a little bit embarrassed. " Yes, let me just put my book in my locker. "So you know already where the lockers are huh?" " Yes, is that okay? I asked it to another student." "Are you kidding me? Don't worry about it."

" So here are the toilets. This is the garden where you can picnic if you want. I just wouldn't do that because it's always so dark. Because of the gray walls, there is mostly no sunlight and if there is, then it's very few. There's another place where we can eat outsight. Let me show it to you. Follow me."

Becky stared to Adam's back. She had never felt so good around a guy. He was just so sweet and not at all like the tough guy. He was like the guy who would stand up for you, but in his own very sweet way. Did she like this guy?"

" So here we are. You can picnic in the grass or on the picnic banks. Whatever you like. So let's see, do I have to show you other things? Oh, maybe the computer class. You can go there whenever you want, except when you have more 'important' things to do. You know like school and all that boring stuff." He laughed a little.

Becky thought it was cute, but the joke wasn't funny. Maybe he was just nervous too? Don't get your hopes up, Becky Baker!

" If you want, you can even make a degrassi profile."

" Can you show me?"

Adam nodded. " yes, it's very easy. You see , if you click here, all you have to do is follow the instructions."

" Okay and how do I have to add friends?"

"Just enter a name and then here's the list with people from degrassi with that name will appear. "

" So , if I enter 'Adam' , I will find you?"

" Yes, that is if I have a profile ofcourse."

" And do you?"

" yep."

" Okay, so let's try then. I enter Adam and now… let's see… Adam Torres… is that you?"

" That's me."

" Okay,I added you. Now all you have to do is accept, right?"

Adam nodded again.

" So do you have something else you want to show me?"

Adam shook his head. " I think that is about it. Now if you have anything you don't know, you can always come to me or leave me a message on my degrassi profile,okay?"

" Yes, thank you very much" Becky said and she hugged Adam.

"Wow , why did you hug me?" Adam asked.

" Just because I'm happy there is someone who takes care of me in a school where I don't know anyone. "

" I saw you talking with Jenna, this morning?"

" Yeah, actually that was my first talk with her. I invited her to go to the dot, that's where all degrassi people hang out right?"

" Yes, at least sometimes."

" oh… okay… anyway, she didn't seem interested to be friends with me."

" Who wouldn't be?"

" I don't know, maybe it was just a thought from me."

"Anyway , I have to rush for Spanish. But thank you so much. At least now I will find most of my classes."

"No prob. " Adam said and he smiled when he saw her running to the other end of the hall.

Well if that hadn't been weird. Could it be that a girl finally liked him? Becky was sure as hell cute and she had something very sweet about her. Maybe Adam was just seeing things again?

He remembered when he was with Fiona. Eventually she was just hiding the fact that she was gay. So that didn't turn out well. He didn't blame Fiona though, he knew how it was to be different , to try everything you could to change yourself and discover that you will always be who you are. If you want to or if you don't want to.

But what if the girl would find out if he was trans? Would she accept him? Adam had no idea. Maybe it was a better idea to find out if Becky liked him. Then Adam could tell her. But it would be difficult to hide of course. He remembered when Bianca first found out he was trans. Last year she didn't seem to have a problem with Adam anymore. But she also wasn't in love with him, she loved Drew. Not that Adam wasn't over Bianca yet, but it just remembered him to the fact that he was trans and that a relationship didn't seem to fit with the whole transgender thing.

But maybe, possibly, Becky was worth giving a shot.

Becky listened to the teacher. Spanish was never been her strongest class, but here in degrassi it just seemed easy. Or maybe it was because she had met the most cute guy she knew. When she heard she had to move to degrassi because of her brother who wanted to play hockey there, all she could think about was leaving town, leaving her friends and her boyfriend. Now all she could think about was Adam.

So, what about Blake? He was so different then Adam and Becky had thought about leaving him, but that just wasn't so easy. What would Blake do if they would split up? Becky cried. Why did she ever had feelings for Blake again? It seemed so long ago. She had to tell him it was over, but could she do that on the phone? That seemed too hard on him. Maybe she had to go back to tell him, in a weekend or something? But what if he would be very angry, maybe aggressive? No, leaving Blake wasn't exactly a possibility.

Her future relationship with Adam was already over. Becky cried. Why now? Why not before Blake?

She logged in on her degrassi profile. Adam had accepted her friend request. He also had sended her a message."

" How was your first day on school?"

"Amazing, thanks for showing me around."

" No prob" he immediately answered.

" , I'm going to sleep, see you tomorrow?"

" good night! Yes! Definitely "

Becky smiled a little. Maybe Adam was worth the risk of breaking up with Blake. She immediately took her phone to text Blake. " Want a talk, when can we meet?"

She had to travel a half day to see Blake, but she really wanted to tell him in person. And if she would tell him in a public place, the risks she took wouldn't be risks anymore.


	2. There's something about you

Adam rushed to Becky. " Hi" he said and he blushed a little. Becky smiled. " Hi Adam, how are you?" " I'm fine and you? Is degrassi already a little bit more home?"

" A little bit more home? I don't know. At least I can find my way because of you now. Thanks again."

Adam smiled.

" Are you maybe in to hang out later? I thought since you don't know anyone here, maybe we could be friends ?"

" Great idea Adam, thank you. Maybe later after school? If you're not too busy?"

" No that's a great idea."

" Okay, see you later then." Adam turned around. Becky looked at him. He was so gorgeous.

She had to stop watching him when someone putted a hand on her shoulder. Becky turned around. It was Jenna.

" Hey, Becky. I thought about it, maybe we should go to the dot together. Fresh start? What do you think? Maybe tonight?

" yeah… sure, but I can't tonight. I'm going to hang with Adam."

" Adam? Adam Torres?"

" Yes? Do you know him?"

" Of course I know him? Everyone at degrassi does."

" And why is that?"

" Because of his tr… of his sweetness. He is one of the cutest people here, you know?"

" I can see. Do you think he could like me?"

" Why not? Anyway, do you mind if I just put my number in your phone now? You can text me to meet. Alright?"

" Yes, thanks Jenna."

" No problem… oh and I hope things work out between you and Adam."

" I hope so too. " Becky sighed.

" What's wrong?" Jenna asked her. She could sense that something wasn't right.

" I will tell you , but you have to swear to keep it a secret. Can you do that? Can you keep a secret?"

" Sure , you can trust me, I promise."

" Okay, so I have a boyfriend back home."

" Oh, so you're in love with two boys then?"

" No, not exactly. I'm already 2 years together with Blake and I don't have feelings for him anymore. It's been a while like this."

" So , why don't you just break up with him?"

" It's difficult. I don't know what the consequences will be."

" Oh… wait… what exactly do you mean?"

" Blake can sometimes be a little bit… violent."

" Violent?"

" I tried to break up with him already. It didn't work. He threatened to hurt my best friend. That would be my fault. I couldn't live with that."

" So why didn't you go to the police then? Maybe they could help you?"

" I wish. They wouldn't believe me. I didn't have any evidence against him. The only one who knows about his violence is me."

" But you could have made a difference."

" I doubt it."

"…"

" I'm going to meet Blake this weekend. I want to tell him we have to end this relationship. Point is: I'm too afraid to go."

" Would it help if I went with you? If I'm just around you, maybe you'll feel safer? "

" It would definitely help. Thank you so much , if there's anything I can do for you?"

" You can maybe make my Spanish essay?"

Becky laughed. " Sorry, I bet I'm worse in Spanish then you are.

Jenna looked surprised. " I doubt it" she said.

" So what about the play?" Adam asked to one of his best friends , Eli. He would direct the musical Romeo and Jules.

" It's a total disaster!" Eli said. " I was supposed to direct it and now some sister from some hockey guy jumps in and wants to take all my leadership away. You know : I have to work together with her and all she does is say no if I say yes and say yes if I say no. How can this partnership even work like that? Total disaster. Total disaster."

" Wait a second… do you mean Becky Baker?" Adam said.

" Don't say the name! Don't say the name! I hate her already!"

" But Becky is so sweet! I think she likes me."

" You think so? I think she's a total bitch."

" Maybe you don't know her well enough." Adam said , now a little bit angry.

" I was going to ask if I had to talk with her. Because you know, she might listen to me, but if you act like such a dork, well then, dream on."

" wow Adam, you're starting to talk like her too."

" I'm not wasting my time on you anymore, Eli."

Adam stood up and went to another chair. Great. Now Eli and he were fighting. As if it wasn't difficult enough now. How could he tell Becky? Should he tell her? Maybe it was better if he first got to know her better.

He took his phone and looked at her degrassi profile. Becky was so beautiful. He could stare to her picture a very very long time.

" Adam!" the teacher said. " Your eyes on the board, please!"

Quickly Adam turned his phone off. The last thing he could see was that Becky had added her religion on her profile.

_Christian. _

Christian? Oh no…


	3. See you later?

" Hey Adam! Do you have a sec?" Eli cried. A few other degrassi members turned around to see who made so much noise.

Adam sighed. " sure… but didn't we had a fight or something?"

" Yes, I'd like to apologize, please. I had no reason to be angry on you like that."

" Indeed. But then again, I acted pretty stupid too."

" I know, what was wrong with me? So what do you say? All forgiven?"

" Agree."

" You know ,maybe Becky Baker isn't so bad after all."

" Maybe you should just give her a shot. She might surprise you."

" I will thanks."

Adam and Eli did a weird handshake. It felt a little bit uncomfortable. Like when you order a pizza, but the waiter takes the wrong order and instead of pineapple , you get something completely different on your pizza. Yeah. Something like that.

So, let's see, what class do I have to be in? Adam thought. He looked at his schedule. Right. Chemistry. Wasn't that the one class he and Becky had together?

No. That was English probably. Did it matter? Adam smiled. Last night had been amazing. Not that he and Becky had met or something, but they sure as hell had texted a lot. Adam hadn't thought he could feel this for a girl anymore.

His parents had been a bit suspicious though, this morning. Probably because Adam didn't had much sleep last night. He chuckled. He felt amazing.

Clare Edwards sat right next to Adam Torres. There was something different about the guy. She thought about asking, but maybe she was wrong. Was it just Clare or was he smiling all morning? A new love interest probably? She couldn't help but wonder who it would be. Besides that new girl, she hadn't seen him talk to any girl those last days. But then again, maybe she just didn't know it. Or would his love interest be Becky? But that would be weird… right? Clare had heard about Becky's background and her family. Not only were they Christian, they were also a very conservative family. Maybe Becky was different? She doubted it. After all what makes a person is his, in this case her, family, right?

Clare turned the page around when she heard Lesley had to read the next chapter. It wasn't any of her business, she thought. And maybe Adam was happy for another reason. Although, she wondered what reason that could be. Clare smiled a little. She was too curious. She had always found that typical for girls. And she could know. After all, she was a girl.

Becky rushed to the toilets. Let's see. Maybe a little more lip-gloss couldn't hurt. She thought. She looked into the mirror. Would Adam like this face?

She closed her eyes and thought about him. She had never met a guy so complete. She wondered if there was anything bad about him. If he… maybe he had a secret or something. That sure as hell would be exciting. She smiled. Her smile immediately disappeared in the mirror because she thought about Blake again. Tomorrow. Tomorrow they would meet. Tomorrow she had to break up with him. Would she succeed? Becky was scared. Really scared. Thank God Jenna would go with her. It wouldn't work if she went alone.

That remembered her. Maybe it was a good idea to go to the dot this evening. After all she didn't know Jenna and she wanted to talk to her before they went to Blake. Otherwise it would be like she was with a stranger. Of course tomorrow she and Jenna wouldn't know each other any better, but at least it would be less uncomfortable.

So al she had to do now was text Jenna.

Jenna followed behind here.

"Have you been here before?" Jenna asked. Becky shook her head.

" No, I thought of going with Adam here ,but instead we went to his home."

" So you've met his parents then?"

" No, Adam knew we would be home alone."

" Ooh… so you didn't meet Drew then?"

" Who's Drew?"

" Only his other brother?"

" Ooh. He didn't mentioned him to me."

" Now, it's not like they're that close. Not that they hate each other, just not that close."

Becky smiled. " I guess he didn't thought about mention it. I didn't say anything about my brother, now I think about it. And other then that, it's not like we date or anything."

" No? Are you sure?" Jenna asked. " What did you two do at his home anyway?"

" Just some friends stuff. Talking. Movie. Popcorn."

" Euhm… sounds like a date to me."

" Oh c'mon! Don't say you never did that with just a friend. Everyone does it. That doesn't mean it has to be a date."

Jenna was a little bit ashamed. Maybe she shouldn't have said that.

" I'm sorry" she said. " It's just that Adam…"

" What about Adam?"

" Well, he hasn't been very lucky. He hasn't been in a real relationship if you ask me. It's really just bad luck."

" What do you mean?"

" I think it's better if you ask him. It's not my job to say anything about him."

" No , I agree." A well known voice said. Jenna turned around. Adam was looking right at her and she could see how irritated he was.

" It's not your job to tell Becky things about me, Jenna."

" Yeah, I know, I'm sorry."

Adam sighed. " It's okay. I'm just a little bit stressed. "

" Why?" Becky asked.

" Just school and stuff, nothing special actually. It may be weird for a guy, but I have lots of stress. I hope you don't dislike me now."

" Are you kidding? That makes you only so much cuter. Oh my god, I can't believe I said that. Just forget I said that, okay?" she looked at Adam.

Adam nodded. " alright"

Jenna suddenly felt very uncomfortable. What was she doing here anyway? These two were madly falling in love and she was just watching like she was in a romantic comedy and she had to scream when they had to kiss. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Oh no. Her thoughts could not go any worse.

" Uhmm" Jenna whispered. A little bit louder perhaps?

" I'm going home. " Jenna said, this time on a normal sound.

" See you tomorrow, Becky?" It was a rhetorical question.

" Later, Adam!"

When Jenna was gone, Adam looked interrogative at Becky.

" What's tomorrow?" he asked.

This time Becky had to act normal. Don't blush, she thought. Don't blush.

" Oh nothing, just a day out with Jenna, we thought about going to the Zoo."

" The Zoo?"

" Yes, you know , with animals. You have monkeys and sometimes dolphins and lots of other animals."

" Yes , I know, Becky. But the Zoo?"

Becky smiled. " Yes, I thought it might be fun."


	4. Meeting Blake

It had been not so believable, when Becky said she and Jenna went to the zoo. However, Adam didn't ask any further. After Becky said that she liked animals and it was kind of her passion, he understood. At least, that was what she thought. And today was finally the day. For Adam it was 'Becky goes to the zoo day', for Becky it was ' I have to meet Blake day'.

Thank God Jenna goes with me, Becky thought. She couldn't do it without her. Becky was waiting for Jenna at the station. She looked on the big screen. Another fifteen minutes before the train would leave. Becky sighed. Hopefully Jenna would be here soon, cause she had a strong feeling to just go home again. Why meet Blake? Why not let things be the way they were?

Then she sighed another time. Adam. She couldn't do that to Adam. She had to go to Blake. For him. Even though she wasn't really sure what Adam's feelings were. Had he feelings for her or did he just like her as a friend? Becky thought they had both feelings for each other, but on the other hand Adam hadn't been acting very in love. Maybe it was all in Becky's head?

Finally, Jenna arrived. She was too late. " I'm sorry, I wasn't earlier here, but my bus was too late."

" It's nothing" Becky said. " I've bought the tickets. If we hurry, we can take this train.

Becky was relieved when she and Jenna took place. The window stood open and it felt a little bit fresh. Jenna stood up to close the window.

" So…" Jenna begun. " Where did you meet?"

" In a restaurant" Becky said ' you just have to eat there too, somewhere where you can see us, then I will feel safer."

Jenna nodded. " Are you sure you are ready for this?" she asked. Jenna was a little bit worried about Becky because she was looking a bit pale.

But Becky nodded too. " I have to." She whispered.

Jenna understood. She knew Fiona had once had a boyfriend that used violence on her. She even heard a rumor about him pushing her of the stairs. She didn't know if that rumor was true, though. That was before the time Fiona came out as a lesbian.

Jenna wondered how her parents would react if she would tell them she was gay. Lucky I am not. She thought. She couldn't imagine how hard it would be on her. Not that her parents wouldn't understand, but their were so many people who didn't understand anything. Who were full of hate, just because they were different.

She wondered how Becky would react if she knew that Adam was trans. Maybe she would regret breaking up with Adam? It didn't matter. Becky didn't dare to tell her.

"We have to go out here." Becky said and she stood up. Jenna followed her to the restaurant. She stayed a little behind, so Blake wouldn't notice her.

As she ordered something to eat, she looked at Jenna and Blake. They seemed happy, so Jenna guessed Becky hadn't told it yet. Then she saw Becky talking. Jenna wondered what she said.

"Hi Blake" Becky said when Blake sat on their table. She kissed him on the cheek. " How are you?" she said and Blake said " Better now you're here, baby."

Becky took a deep breath. " About that Blake, maybe it's…" But Blake wouldn't let her finish. "Let's order first, will we? " he asked. Becky nodded. This was gonna be hard on her, she thought.

Becky waited till they both finished. Then Blake asked if she wanted any desert. But Becky shook her head. And finally she started talking.

" I came here to break up with you Blake. We can't be together. It only hurts. You hurt me and you may be glad I didn't go to the police. I can't be with you."

She quickly leaved, first she took some money and gave it to Blake and Jenna followed. She thought that went rather well, but then she realized Blake hadn't react. She really hoped he wouldn't do anything impulsive like going to degrassi and threaten her there.

Becky Baker had a feeling this wasn't the last she heard from him.

But for now she had just to enjoy the moment.

" And now we're here" she asked Jenna, " Wanna go for an ice- cream?"


	5. What it means being a transgender

Adam looked at his older brother Drew. He laid beside him, watching he smiled a little. He thought about the time his family didn't accept him. At least not as a boy. The only one who stood up for him was Drew. If he hadn't supported Adam back then, maybe Adam would now still be a girl. Maybe Adam would still be someone he was not. Although Adam was proud to be different, it still was hard to be the only transgender on Degrassi. He often wished there would be a new student in Degrassi and they could talk . He didn't even care if that would be a boy or a girl as long as the student was trans, they would have a lot to talk about.

He sighed. It was a shame something like that would never happen. Then he thought about Becky. He knew now that she was a Christian. Adam had asked a few people what they knew about Becky. No one knew her really, but that was because she was a knew student. A few people at heard that she was not only Christian , but also very conservative. First Adam thought that could be gossip, but then he heard from Eli that she refused to work on the play only because Eli had the idea of making it Romeo and Jules instead of Romeo and Julia. It was a play about two guys. And she said that she couldn't support homosexuality. said Eli.

" That were her words" he said. He saw Adam's disappointed look. " I'm sorry mate. I'm sure you'll find someone who's worth being with you."

But Eli didn't understand Adam. Did he not know that it wasn't easy for him dating girls? When he told them he was trans, they always suddenly lost their interest. Being transgender and dating was suddenly not easy. What was there easy about waiting for that one girl that didn't care about him being trans? Cause he hadn't found her yet.

And he had thought that Becky maybe could be an exception. The way she looked at him. It was different then with Fiona. Fiona was gay, so she only thought that she loved him. Adam had been so sad when Fiona had said that she liked him, because he had the best of both worlds. Why he did everything he could to be a guy. A guy that no one saw for a girl. But he wondered, if he had been gay, would there be a person that would accept him for who he was? Cause those people would know how it was to be different. But would a guy love him? He wondered if love and being transgender was a realistic combination. Transgenders were a taboo. Even though he had friends who accepted him for who he was, he often saw other students looking thoughtfully at him. And then he knew they didn't approve in his choice of switching gender. Cause that was what it was for them. Like Adam switched gender, while he had always been a boy. Only people didn't understand that part.

Adam remembered that when he was little, he hated it too go shopping. They always came home with a few dresses that his mum choice for him. He hated it when he had to try it on. His mum knew that he hated it, but she didn't understand. It took her sixteen years to understand. He wondered how he would have felt if he could go to school as himself when he was little. No dresses or anything. Only cool pants and pulls and everything boys wear. He definitely would have been happy. Happier then he ever was as a kid.

No , his youth was something from another life now. It was before he was Adam, it was when he was a girl. He smiled again. Funny how so much things can change in a lifetime. He thought about Drew who was watching to a sort of soap. Adam knew Drew looked only because he couldn't find anything else on the television. Drew had been with Bianca. Then there was that whole thing with Drew wanting to protect Bianca, they eventually broke up. And then Katie came and now he was back together with Bianca. For Adam it seemed they had never split up. Their whole relationship seemed just so normal. There was nothing complicated about it. It was like they were made for each other. He wondered if he would ever get that. A girl made for him. A girl that would believe in him and love him and then they would act like Bianca and Drew, like they were already a married couple.

" Are you alright, Adam?" Drew suddenly asked.

" You're silent today. Now I can't really blame you, it's not like there is anything interesting on the television we can discuss, but are you okay?"

Adam nodded.

" I'm okay , Drew. I'm just tired from school."

" Yeah, I hate summer vacation is over, don't you?"

" Yeah, who doesn't?"

The two brothers were quit for a while. Then Adam said " I'm going to make my homework."

" You still do that?" Drew asked.

" Yes, you should try it sometime."

Drew didn't answer. He only laughed a little.

Adam looked at his bed and his desk and chose for his bed. He didn't feel like making homework at all. He couldn't concentrate on it anyway. What if he skipped it for one evening? He hadn't that much homework and he was pretty sure the teachers wouldn't even notice. So, that was homework, he just wanted to be alone. Not that being alone with Drew wasn't almost the same as being alone, he just had to be completely alone now.

Sometimes he wished that he was normal. That he either was a girl who didn't wanted to be a boy or that he was born in a guy's body. Things would have been so much easier. He wouldn't even care if he was gay or if the girl he would be was gay. In every case, he would care of course, but he would get over the gay fact. He would find love. That would be a lot easier, he knew.

Becky was back in his mind. She was so sweet and he saw her laughing in his head. She looked so cute when she was talking with him, her hands rolling in her hair, her eyes sparkling and sometimes she had difficulties finding the word. Adam understood that part. He had to find words too when he was Becky. She made him a little bit nervous.

Would he tell Becky his secret tomorrow? He hoped she hadn't heard it already. Becky had to know. And he wanted her to know it from him. If someone told her instead of him, he couldn't forgive himself. It was something from him and if he liked it or not, he had to tell Becky.

So, tomorrow he thought. Tomorrow on school I will tell her.


	6. Worst day of my life

Becky sat on her chair. She had a pen in her hand. Ready to write a love-letter. But what could she write? She had to think about it for a while. Then she thought: let's just start to write and then we'll see. So this was the result.

_Adam,_

_I write you this letter, because I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me around. Thank you for helping me make my degrassi profile. But I also want to tell you something. I want to tell you that you make me laugh like no other guy ever did. I want to tell you that you make me smile like no other guy ever did. I just haven't felt so great in a while now. I am in love with you. So in love and I can't make it go away. Every day in degrassi is a blessing of God, because I get to see you or I get to talk to you. I didn't wanted to tell you before because I had something to take care of- it wasn't really that important or yes it was but I will tell you later- before I could tell you._

_Do you love me back? Please say you do. I hope you do._

_Love,_

_Becky Baker._

She sighed. This was the letter she wanted to give him. Becky couldn't wait to see Adam. Little did she know that what he was about to tell her would change so many things.

" Adam!" she cried when she saw him talking to Clare – she knew Clare was Eli's girlfriend." Becky had to cancel the play because Eli wanted to make it about homosexuals – Come on? Homosexuals? It was so wrong.- and Clare totally supported him. Becky didn't understand that at all.

Adam turned his head around and smiled a little- was that disappointment she saw in his face? Maybe she shouldn't give him the letter anyway.

But then she looked at him and her heart melted. " Hi" Adam said and he hugged her.

" Could you meet me for lunch?" he asked. " I have to… I have to tell you something."

" Sure, actually I have to give you something" and she grabbed with her hand in her handbag. A pink envelope came out it. Adam looked at the envelope. Was this what he thought it was?

" Just read it." Becky said. " No, not now. Read it when I'm not with you. You can talk me about it later, when we have lunch." She smiled and before Adam could say anything she was gone.

Adam held his breath when he read the letter. Wow. This he hadn't expected at all. He knew there was something ,but that Becky would tell him about her feelings so soon, that was… that was just amazing. Maybe he shouldn't tell her about that transgender thing. She didn't had to know for now right? But then again, she would discover soon enough. He had to tell her. He also owed it too her. In his mind he repeated the words he would say a thousand times. He was very very nervous about it.

Adam counted the hours till lunch. So did Becky. They both were a little bit scared though. But it was for a different reason.

Finally, lunch.

Becky looked to Adam. " So?" she asked.

" Becky, I like you… but…"

" You don't like like me?" she asked.

Adam shook his head.

"No, that's not what I mean. I really like like you, but it's just, I have to tell you, you have a right to know. There is something really important about me that you don't seem to know."

" So, tell me, it can't be that bad, right?"

Adam looked at her. How could she know?

" Euhm, well it's kind of difficult for me to say it, especially since you're Christian and I heard you are very, but I mean very very Christian."

" I believe in God, yes, but what does that have to do with you? I mean, I won't shoot you if you're not a Christian, you know."

Adam half-smiled.

" Euhm, I am not , I'm not born as a guy. I was born as a girl, but I've always felt that I'm a boy. I'm just a boy in a girl's body. When I will be old enough, I will have surgery and all that stuff."

Becky looked shocked at Adam.

" No" she whispered. " No , tell me it's not truth." " Tell me it's not truth!" she cried and a few students looked at them. Becky talked again, but a bit softer now.

" It can't be. I broke up with my boyfriend just to be with you."

" I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry if you're offended. But wait, a boyfriend?"

" Pff. It doesn't matter anyway, you're just some lesbian chick who dresses up like a guy and seduced me. Well ,you almost got what you want, didn't ya? I don't want to speak to you again." She said

" I never seduced you. You wrote me that letter."

" Whatever" Becky said and she ran to the toilets. There she met Jenna.

" Becky?" she asked. " What's wrong?"

" I… Adam… he's … He 's a she."

" Oh. You found out about that?"

" Yes, why didn't you tell me?"

" I wanted to tell you. That was that thing you had to ask Adam about. I didn't find it my place to tell you."

" yeah, you could have warned me."

" it's not something bad you know. It's just Adam. He is who he is."

" Oh? So now you are supporting him too?"

" Great." And she left Jenna alone, standing in the toilet room. This was the worst day of her life.


	7. Thinking about that confession

Adam looked out the window. Great. Now Becky hated him. It hadn't been a good idea to tell Becky his secret. He knew what her reaction would be. Why did he tell her? He ruined everything. Oh, it's so depressing. He thought and he looked around him to see if he could find the CD of The Script. Becky had told him how much she loved their music and Adam had listened to it, and he actually liked it a lot. So when he told Becky, she'd offered to borrow her CD. Adam had putted the music already on his computer, but now he had to turn it back to Becky. Maybe he should give the CD to Jenna tomorrow instead. At least he hadn't to face Becky then. Oh, life was hell.

_Becky looked at some television show. She didn't follow really though. Her thoughts were somewhere completely else. A transgender? How could she not have seen it? And she had liked him… her so much. What did that say about her? Was she a lesbian? No , she really thought Adam had been a boy. It had al been Adam's fault. Why did she dress like a guy? She wondered what his real name was. Uhm, what her real name was. Adam. Adam had fooled her so much. She even broke up with Blake for that. And that was something really big. Every day she was scared to see Blake somewhere. In school, on her way home, when she went shopping with Jenna. Always scared of Blake. Becky knew what he was capable of. If she hadn't liked Adam, she would never broken up with him. Why couldn't she al turn it back? Life was not fair._

He thought about what she said.

_**It doesn't matter anyway. You're just some lesbian chick who dresses up like a guy and seduced me. Well, you almost got what you want didn't ya?**_

It hurt so much. Why on earth did he have to fall in love with Becky Baker? From all girls, why she? It had been difficult if he was in love with another girl too, but at least they might have given him a chance, he thought. Becky had been in love with him until he told her the truth. Then she ran away and left him there alone, as if his feelings were nothing to her. They weren't. At least not anymore.

Then he thought about the letter she gave him. What was in it again?

_Adam,_

_I write you this letter, because I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me around. Thank you for helping me make my degrassi profile. But I also want to tell you something. I want to tell you that you make me laugh like no other guy ever did. I want to tell you that you make me smile like no other guy ever did. I just haven't felt so great in a while now. I am in love with you. So in love and I can't make it go away. Every day in degrassi is a blessing of God, because I get to see you or I get to talk to you. I didn't wanted to tell you before because I had something to take care of- it wasn't really that important or yes it was but I will tell you later- before I could tell you._

_Do you love me back? Please say you do. I hope you do._

_Love,_

_Becky Baker._

A beautiful letter. He had been so happy when he red that. And now. Now he was nothing than garbage to her. Adam wanted to tell her immediately that he felt the same way. Though, he hadn't get the chance. Why did he care so much?

_She looked at her phone. She had two text messages. One from Jenna and one from Blake. Blake. No message from Adam. Becky sighed. Lucky she hadn't to deal with that. She looked at his number in her phone and immediately deleted his number. She deleted him out of her friends on her degrassi profile and she deleted him on facebook. She didn't wanted to do anything with that person anymore. Becky still thought about Adam as a guy. She couldn't help it. She was used to it. With her I-pod standing on shuffle, the next song came into her ears. – And I will always love you- skip- So what Pink. On that song she danced around in her room ,then stopped when she suddenly remembered she had to read her messages. _

_Blake._

" _Becky , you were just confused, weren't you? I love you baby."_

_Becky answered. " Yes, I was, I'm so sorry. I guess it's just the long distance. Want to meet me again on Saturday?"_

_She got pretty soon an answer._

" _Sure. And don't worry, I understand." _

_Jenna._

" _Can we talk?" she asked, but Becky ignored her. She was still angry on Jenna. Jenna should have told her who Adam really was. She doubted if she could forgive Jenna. Maybe she should find her another friend. Someone who believed in the same ideals as she did. Would there be someone like that on degrassi? Probably. There had to be someone, right?  
_

Adam looked at facebook. He had just discovered that Becky had deleted him from her degrassi profile and now he couldn't help but wonder if he had her still on facebook. "Becky Baker" he typed in with his list of friends, but no name appeared. Guess what, she hates me he thought and after that; she'll probably deleted my number too.

Clare and Eli came to visit him. Adam hadn't been on school for two days. He had told his mum and Drew that he felt really sick and they believed him. He saw really pale, so they believed him. His mum had said that he could stay three days at home till he felt better. Little could she know that he wouldn't feel better. He was desperate.

_Do you love me back? Please say you do. I hope you do._

He definitely loved her back, but that was something Becky didn't care about anymore. She would probably now be over the shock of discovering his secret and was probably talking to Jenna on the phone. Adam wondered how they were laughing and giggling about him. He started an imaginary dialogue in his head.

" He is probably really disappointed in you ,Becky!" would Jenna say and she would laugh a little.

" he is so disgusting" Becky would react. She'd probably never wanted to hear from him again. She said it herself.

_I don't want to speak to you again._ That hurts. Why do I love her again? Adam didn't know. He wanted to know. If there was a God, like Becky believed, why would he do something like that? Why would he let Adam love Becky? Why did he let Becky love Adam, at least before she didn't know about him being transgender.

Why did you God? He thought? Isn't this world horrible enough?

Apparently it wasn't. As much as Adam tried to forget her, it just didn't work. Everything, but everything brought him back to her. Why did she hate him?

_She called with Blake. She told him she was really sorry. What else could she say? She needed him. She needed him to forget that whole thing with Adam. Becky wished it never happened. And about Blake, he told her he loved her and that was something Becky really couldn't miss now. " I love you, Blake" she said , thinking she meant what she said. " I love you too, Becky" he said. " See you Friday evening."_

_Becky looked forward to that. A normal night out with her BOYfriend. That would be so much fun. And Blake had promised her to change. He had sworn he wouldn't hurt her and she believed him. She really did. After all, everyone deserved a second chance. And so did Blake, so she would give him that second chance._

_Becky smiled. She was too good for this world._


	8. Back too Becky

Adam walked to his locker. He saw Becky talking to her brother. Luke wasn't really paying much attention to him, but Becky saw Adam. She gave him a weird look and then looked away. Adam hesitated. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to return the CD. If she wanted it back, she would have to get it herself. He was really not in the mood for a conversation with Becky, whether that was about a CD or about their relationship. If it depended on Becky, he hadn't much to worry of talking about that issue. It was a little bit frustrating, though. What was so wrong with him? This world could be so cruel.

" Hey Adam!" Eli said " I'll save you a sit with English, alright?" Adam nodded and smiled. Eli was a good friend. He never judged him on anything he did. He also had never judged him for Adam being transgender. Adam was very grateful for that.

When Adam got into English Class, he accidentally dropped his book. He bended over to pick it up, but he touched someone's arm. Then he realized it was Becky's arm. She took the book and gave it to him. What was this?

" Here you are" she said.

" Uhm, Thanks."

Becky turned red. " Adam" she whispered. " I am sorry for yesterday. I overreacted and I didn't have to be so mean. But you have to understand that I can't accept your style of life. It's just so wrong. Anyway , I apologize. I could have said it on a more friendly way, I realize now."

Adam didn't say anything back. It wasn't like he would say thanks for that apology, although it had to be a big step for Becky, knowing she came from a very catholic family.

When Adam didn't answer, Becky walked to her chair, but then she changed her mind and she went back to Adam.

" I'm sorry" she said. " But would you mind giving back my CD?"

" Sure"

" You can give it to me when we have English again." She then said.

Adam looked for Eli, he sat somewhere at the back and he was enthusiastic waving at Adam.

Adam half-smiled. Some guy, that Eli.

" Hey" Eli whispered, when Adam grabbed the chair next to him.

" You okay man?"

Adam shook his head. " obviously I'm not."

" I understand. Well if you want to… if I can do something, you just say it, okay?"

" Thanks, Eli. It really means a lot."

English wasn't really distracting enough for Adam. His thoughts went straight back to Becky and his eyes always followed their way to Becky's back. Was there any chance Becky could forgive him? Cause in her eyes, Adam had made a terrible mistake. Probably not, he thought.

The next day he walked straight to Becky and this time he actually gave it to her. It helped that she had asked him, of course.

" you brought the CD with you? Thanks A… well whatever your name is" she added.

That was what she said and it sure hurt as hell.

Eli and Clare came walking into his way. Clare hugged him immediately. " I heard what happened. From Eli, I hope you don't mind."

Adam shook his head. He was used to it. If he said anything to Eli, Clare would know. If he said anything to Clare, Eli would know. It never had really been any different. And of course he didn't mind, after all he was good friends with both of them, so… .

" Are you okay though? I'm so sorry , Adam." She said.

" I am not okay" he said. " but I will be"

Clare smiled. " Of course you will."

It looked like she had something on her mind.

" Do you want to say something, Clare?" Adam asked.

Clare nodded. " I was thinking about… maybe you should go to the lgbt meeting of degrassi sometime. Maybe you'll find someone who is also a transgender, I don't know. At least you can talk with people who know how it 's like to feel different. If you tell your story, maybe they'll tell their similar situations and maybe that's how you feel a little bit better. I don't know, it might also be good for you to get some new friends."

" But I thought you and Eli are my friends?"

" Of course we are. That's not what I mean, but it's just with me and Eli being a couple, I thought that maybe you needed some more friends, that it would be nicer for you than always being with that boring couple. You get what I mean?"

" Yes, but you guys are not boring, you know that, right?"

Eli nodded. "It's just Clare who is boring really."

" Aw!" he cried. " I am just kidding Clare"

Adam bit on his lip. " Maybe you're right. It could be a good idea. I will ask information later, I guess."

The conversation then turned on to a whole different issue. But Adam wasn't really listening: his thoughts went straight back too… yes that's right… too Becky.


	9. This is Vicky

She couldn't really help it, but she found it difficult to fall into sleep. Lately she hadn't really been herself. The way she treated Adam. Okay , maybe she didn't quite understand his life choice. But Becky thought she might be afraid. Not of Adam of course. Of herself. Of what it could mean that she had development such feelings for Adam. Because maybe he wasn't a boy after all, was he? And what did that say about her? Did it say that she was a lesbian? Becky blushed , although she was alone in her room. What would her parents say?

She stood up to get herself a glass of water. There was a huge silence in her house. Luke wasn't home and her parents were out for a walk. That she could see from the note that was hanging on the fridge.

Maybe she could… she picked up the phone and before she knew it she was calling Adam.

" hello?" a well-known voice said.

" …"

" Hello?"

" Adam. It's Becky. Euhm, I… never mind"

She hung up on him. What was she thinking? Calling Adam? No she couldn't do a thing like that. What was wrong with her?

Adam looked confused at Drew and his girlfriend, Bianca. " What's wrong, bro?" Drew asked and Adam sighed. " Never mind" he said.

Why did Becky call him? He thought. He really didn't know.

" I'm going to my room." He said too no one in particular.

Drew nodded. Bianca half-smiled. " Thanks" she said.

" Thanks for what?" Adam asked , but then Bianca gave him a 'you know what I mean" look and Adam didn't want to hear it anymore.

While on his room, he started his computer and looked on facebook. Maybe he should… he looked at the lgbt-page of degrassi.

He didn't wanted to go alone , though. That would be way to weird.

But then something came into his mind. He looked at the members. He knew that weren't all the members, because lots of people hadn't come out yet, but he saw her name.

Fiona Coyne.

She had been his almost girlfriend after all. And Fiona was already a member, so he could ask if she wanted to go to an activity with him.

He texted her and she answered him with a 'sure! :D'

Adam smiled. At least someone was kind of happy to be in his company.

"Yes, first they always talk, it's mostly for welcoming the new members and then there is an activity. In your case it's watching the movie Boys don't cry. I've never seen it, but I hear it's kind of a good movie. It's kind of an old movie too, I guess. Anyway afterwards you can drink something if you want too, but you don't have too, so are you in or what?"

Fiona said with a big smile on her face.

" What makes you so happy anyway?" Adam asked her, not answering her question.

" Nothing in particularly, just that Imogen and I have been together for a while and that she is amazing! I never thought someone could stand me that much for such a long time. "

" I am glad your happy" Adam said. " At least one of us is."

Fiona gave him a worried look. "you'll be fine, Adam. Did you ever notice the way she looks at you? I mean: Becky? She may be extreme catholic, but the fact that she likes you isn't something she can really hide, you know. Well, I mean that she Likes likes you of course."

" Does she? I don't think so"

Fiona sighed. " Believe me, she does. I have an eye for things like that." She said and she winked at Adam on a very non-sexy way. Adam laughed. " funny Fiona" he said.

Fiona took Adam's arm. " Okay, ready for your first meeting? Cause here we go!"

Although Adam hadn't expected it at all, it was kind of cosy. He felt completely comfortable. After the movie, Fiona came to him. " I have someone, I like you to meet." She said and she pushed a girl in front of him.

" Hi, I'm Vicky" The girl said. Then she blushed. " I'm a transgender too" she added.

" Oh" Adam added.

" Well, nice meeting you."

" You too. I never thought there would be another transgender in degrassi. I mean there are so few and definitely not in high school."

Adam nodded.

" Do your classmates know you are a transgender?"

" yes and the reactions are… well some are positive, but lots of them are negative, actually. I've been bullied a lot. "

" I ve been bullied too. " Adam said and he thought about his first days on degrassi.

" it's hard, isn't it? " the girl asked and Adam nodded.

" Listen Vicky, we really should hang out more, but I have to go know. It was really nice meeting you though."

" Sure, maybe we could exchange numbers"

So they did. And they said goodbye with a hug.

Adam was almost happy. He hadn't thought he actually would meet another transgender tonight. At least that had happened. If only Becky…

He sighed.

Becky. Becky. Becky.


End file.
